


Feel You Close

by vespertineflora



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bottom Bucky, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Couch Sex, Emotional Sex, Established Relationship, First Time Bottoming, I Love You, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Top Steve, Top Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-13
Updated: 2014-11-13
Packaged: 2018-02-25 05:28:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2610197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vespertineflora/pseuds/vespertineflora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve and Bucky have been together a while now, and in the time they've been having sex, Steve's always been on the receiving end of things. Bucky's been nervous about switching things up for reasons he can't put his finger on, but he's no coward, and one night, he finally works up the nerve to suggest it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feel You Close

The movie playing on their big screen had been long since forgotten. Something was exploding and someone was riding a motorcycle, but those things were surprisingly less exciting to watch when they’d done most of that and more in their own lives. It turned out that they just weren’t fans of most action movies; they had far too much of it in their day to day to want to watch in on screen as well.

No, Bucky and Steve would rather spend their time off together doing other things--in this case, that other thing happened to be making out on their couch, Bucky straddling Steve’s lap. They’d already lost their shirts, sucking air sharply through their noses as they barely took the time they needed to breathe. Bucky’s hands were in Steve’s hair and Steve’s arms were wrapped tight around his waist and their tongues played together between each other’s mouths.

In the soft lighting in the living room, Bucky could see the faint color of blush that blossomed on Steve’s skin in his highest moments of arousal, and more importantly, he could feel Steve’s erection beneath him. His hips rolled downwards, teasing, and Steve moaned into his mouth eagerly.

They’d been making out for nearly thirty minutes, which had to be some kind of record for them. Steve was usually insisting on more direct contact by the ten minute mark and Bucky was proud of him for holding off for so long, especially because... he’d been working up the nerve to suggest something and the kissing and non-urgent grinding put him more fully at ease.

At this point, their sexual relationship was about nine months old, though it had only been in the last month or so that they’d tried anything more than handjobs and blowjobs, partially because neither of them had been fully aware of the full mechanics of anal sex and partially because there was so much to do that they didn’t have the time to sit down and consider it. But eventually, they’d started to work fingers into each other during blow jobs, and in the last month, they’d tried going all the way about a dozen times with more than adequate success. Steve seemed to really enjoy it, anyway.

And that was the thing; Steve had been the receiving partner every time so far (Bucky didn’t really like the top/bottom labels that were apparently more common, since half the time, Steve was on top of him, riding him like there was no tomorrow, but he was still receiving and Bucky honestly just thought it was confusing). He’d volunteered the first time, and it had been a bit of a relief to Bucky, who had been with women in the past, and was a wildly more familiar with that role. For some reason, the idea made him... apprehensive. He couldn’t even put a finger on why exactly, beyond it being unfamiliar territory, but the immediate thought of it just triggered something uneasy in him.

He wanted to change that though. Steve hadn’t really expressed an interest in switching things up, seeming to know without asking about Bucky’s uneasiness, but Bucky wanted Steve to have the option and the more he thought about it, the more important it was to him and the less important his disquiet seemed.

The kiss let him drift away from his internal unrest, focus on Steve’s mouth and tongue, focus on softly playing with the nipple beneath his fingers as Steve bucked up against him, and it made it easier for him to break the kiss and say, “Do you wanna... switch things up tonight?”

Steve looked vaguely surprised at the offer, though he certainly didn’t look opposed at all, and his voice was tentative as he said, “I’d be willing to try if you want to.”

Bucky didn’t think his heart could have been pounding any harder than it was. He offered Steve a small smile and said, “Yeah, I think we should.”

“Okay,” Steve said with a nod and a small smile of his own. “Sure. Do you wanna take this to the bedroom, then?”

The idea of laying down on the bed somehow didn’t appeal to Bucky, so he shook his head. “Here’s fine. I’ll just go grab the lube,” he said, climbing off of Steve’s lap and calling over his shoulder, “Be naked by the time I get back.”

In the bedroom, he quickly slipped out of his pants and underwear, taking a slow breath, before grabbing the lube from their nightstand drawer and heading back to the living room.

As instructed, Steve had gotten out of his pants and was sitting naked on the couch by the time Bucky returned. He fixed Bucky with a smile that put Bucky more at ease and Bucky crawled back onto Steve’s lap, thighs settling easily on either side of his waist. 

His heart fluttered nervously in his chest and he leaned in to kiss Steve to quiet it, though ignoring it became far more easy as Steve’s hand wrapped around his erection and began to stroke him.

Bucky moaned into the kiss and his arms settled around Steve’s shoulders. The pressure of his hand moving up and down his cock felt wonderful, the way he pulled back the foreskin to swipe his finger across the head made a shudder run up his spine. Bucky let himself forget where this was going and was successful right up until he felt Steve’s slick, cold finger pressing up against his entrance. 

The unexpected sensation made him suck in a sharp breath, and Steve immediately paused, asked with concern, “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Bucky said on an exhale, swallowing softly, “’s just cold. Surprised me.”

“Sorry,” Steve replied gently against his lips.

“Don’t worry about it,” Bucky dismissed. He didn’t want to make a big deal out of this. He really just wanted this to happen because he was certain that the anxiety in waiting for it to happen was far worse than anything. “Just keep going, it’ll warm up.”

“You got it,” Steve said and kissed him.

Bucky relaxed against against Steve, kissed him with parted lips and tiny swipes of his tongue, arms loosely wrapped around Steve’s neck, as Steve’s finger circled lightly around his entrance before gently nudging its way inside, one knuckle at a time.

“Mmm,” Bucky moaned gently. Steve had had a finger in him before, even if he hadn’t gotten any further than that. He was at least used enough to this that it was comfortable, that he could stay easy and loose as he rested against Steve. His mouth moved away from Steve’s as his head slipped down to rest gently in the crook of Steve’s neck and he just tried to focus on staying relaxed for Steve.

Steve’s mouth laid sweet kisses along his shoulder as his finger worked, slowing wiggling in and out. He took his time and his other hand slowly caressed Bucky’s skin, across his thigh and back, back and forth, his fingers pressed ever so gently into the skin.

“How’s it feel?” Steve murmured into his skin.

“Good,” Bucky replied honestly. He didn’t know why this stupid idea made him so tense, but there was nothing like Steve’s touch to wash away every one of his worries and fears. He encouraged, “Keep going.”

“Mm,” Steve consented. His finger pulled back and was slowly replaced with two that pushed their way inside very gently.

For all of Steve’s typical urgency when it came to sex, he was certainly going slower now than he’d ever gone, and Bucky loved him for it. Bucky wasn’t sure how Steve knew how unsettled he’d felt, beyond the fact that Steve just seemed to understand him, sometimes in ways that Bucky had yet to even understand himself, but... Steve was doing this just for him. He was being sweet and warm because he knew that was exactly what Bucky needed and Bucky could feel the love in every one of Steve’s touches. Steve was... taking care of him, the same way he had since the day he’d found him beaten and battered and barely himself well over a year ago. 

The stretch of two fingers wasn’t much different from one alone, but Steve’s fingers were probing a bit deeper than before, and suddenly he brushed over a spot that made Bucky inhale sharply, made his arms tighten around Steve as his cock twitched eagerly.

Steve paused, kissed Bucky’s neck, and asked, “That was a good reaction, right?”

“Yes,” Bucky said with a slow exhale as he pressed his forehead to Steve’s shoulder.

“So...” Steve said, his voice picking up a hint of playfulness as his fingers started to move again, “right here?” He asked the question like he was unsure, but his fingers rubbed exactly the right spot to send a sharp spike of arousal through Bucky.

“Fuck!” Bucky gasped, feeling the shudder ripple through him, his hands gripping at Steve’s back and not finding much traction. “Yes, jesus, right there, you little shit.”

Steve made a breathless little sound of laughter and kissed Bucky’s neck again, but it was a brief intermission before his fingers were moving again, massaging his prostate in a way Bucky knew he’d done to Steve a handful of times already and fucking hell if it wasn’t the most beautiful torture Bucky had ever experienced. It wasn’t long before Bucky was gasping and cursing and panting heavily against his skin, feeling dizzy and heady, his mouth finding Steve’s skin and biting down, sucking hard, until Steve was moaning as well and grinding up against him and jesus Bucky couldn’t take it anymore, his fears were gone and he just wanted Steve inside of him.

“Come on, Stevie,” Bucky urged.

Steve didn’t need to be told twice. He pulled his fingers out, lubed himself up, and as Bucky lifted his hips and swallowed a last surge of nervousness, Steve helped him line up, before Bucky began to slowly sink downward.

Bucky quickly realized that Steve was a good bit thicker than those two fingers. He was being stretched as he let Steve’s cock inside, he could feel that... but it was a good stretch. It felt good. He felt... full. He could feel every little inch of Steve he was letting into him, he was perfectly aware of it without feeling any pain. He took heavy breaths in and out as he slowly took Steve in, and just when he wasn’t sure if he could handle anymore, he found himself settled easily on Steve’s lap.

Steve’s hand touched his cheek then, thumb stroking gently across his lips as Steve’s forehead pressed to his, and Bucky exhaled hard, forced himself to relax.

“You good?” Steve asked, his own voice perfectly breathless and full of love.

Bucky was breathing too hard to actually reply, so he just nodded his forehead against Steve’s and swallowed again.

"Take your time," Steve encouraged and pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

Bucky nodded again, overcome, overwhelmed. He took a moment just to get use to the feeling of Steve buried inside of him, the tautness that came when being stretched just right. He could understand why Steve enjoyed this so much.

After a moment or so, and a few light kisses to Steve's mouth, Bucky felt steady enough to start moving. He rolled his hips slowly in Steve's lap and felt the delicious shift of his cock inside of him, moaned low and hard as Steve did the same. He paused briefly to breathe and savor the action before repeating it, then again and again, until he'd worked himself into a slow and steady grind that sent wave after wave of pleasure rippling through him.

Steve's hands settled on Bucky's hips as he rested back against the couch and Bucky leaned into him. His arms braced against Steve's chest, his hands grabbing at Steve's shoulders as he kept up the rhythm of his hips, panting hot and heavy against Steve’s lips.

It was only then, with Steve buried deep inside of him, that it occurred to him, why this had been so frightening, why it had seemed so important. This... this was... 

This was the only part of him that Hydra had never touched. 

Under their control, Hydra had taken so much from him. They’d invaded every portion of him... they’d made him maim and torture and kill and worse, they’d put blood on his hands, they’d removed every bit of autonomy and made every bit of him, every one of his actions and decisions, theirs. Bucky had had everything stolen from him, he’d had nothing left that was his alone...

Or at least he’d thought so, right up until that very moment, when he realized they’d never taken this from him. This intimacy had never been ripped away from him. They’d never pulled this decision from his hands. This closeness was... the one thing he’d managed to keep all to himself throughout his capture, the one thing left unsullied by their control and the one thing he’d had all for himself until this very day...

And he’d just given it to Steve. 

No, no, not in a bad way, not in a way that he would ever regret, absolutely not. He... had actually had the chance to make this decision all on his own. There had been no coercion, no force, no orders. Of his own free will, Bucky had decided to share this intimacy with Steve, because Steve was the most important person in the world to him. Steve was the love of his life, Steve was his best friend, his anchor, Steve was everything and more. If anyone in the universe deserved this part of Bucky, it was Steve, because Steve loved him and cherished him, and Bucky knew more wholeheartedly than he knew anything that if he had to make this decision a thousand times over, he would choose Steve every single time.

He felt his heart swelling in his chest with the overwhelming desire to be closer to Steve, though that didn't seem possible at this point. He kissed him hard, sloppy, and he began to move quicker in Steve's lap, lifting his hips a bit more with each movement as his arms wrapped around Steve's back, holding him as tight as he could.

He loved Steve, god he loved him so much, and his hand moved up into Steve’s hair and found purchase in the short strands as Steve moaned into the kiss, his tongue tracing over his teeth and Bucky only pulled back from the kiss to practically breathe a desperate “I love you” into Steve’s mouth, then another, because one didn’t feel like enough, though two didn’t either and Bucky was damn sure he could say it a million times in a millions ways and it would never be enough to actually make Steve aware of how much he loved him.

Steve’s arm wrapped tightly around his back in response and he gasped back, “love you, Buck,” blissful and breathless and needy and Bucky could feel the soft tremble in his grasp, in his thighs, as they gasped and panted into each other mouths because neither of them could stop kissing now, and Bucky felt safe and loved and so fucking good, and then suddenly Steve’s hand snaked between them and wrapped around Bucky’s cock, and Bucky groaned, aching.

“Fuck, fuck.” The words were all breath and urgency as they slipped past Bucky’s lips and immediately between Steve’s, encouraging the touch and the slow motion of Steve’s hips beneath his, tiny little jerks to meet Bucky’s hips, “St-evie, ahhhh, yess, fuck yes.”

He wasn’t going to last much longer and Steve’s hard, sharp pants meant he wouldn’t either and while part of him never wanted to lose this desperate intimacy, he felt so goddamn vulnerable and open wide as Steve’s hands and tongue and heat touched every bit of him, wiping him clean, making him new, and fuck fuck fuck, he ignored the sudden sting in his eyes and just held Steve tighter, and lost track of anything that wasn’t Steve touching him, loving him, filling him, stroking him. 

Bucky came with a clipped cry, splattering Steve’s chest and stomach, and he just barely registered Steve’s grunt and the twitch of the cock inside of him as he released as well. 

The kiss wouldn’t even break then, not for a long moment, not until Bucky’s spinning head insisted on air, and Bucky had to pull back to suck in his first whole breath in several minutes. As he let it out, he collapsed, burying his face once more into the crook of Steve’s neck, the damp and heated skin against his face a distinct comfort and he distinctly ignored the moisture he felt in his eyes and instead thought about the way he could feel Steve growing soft inside of him.

Steve’s grip on him had loosened a bit now, but his arms were still wrapped safely around him and his hands rubbed across Bucky’s skin, moved up to comb his fingers through Bucky’s hair as Steve kissed any skin that was within reach.

“You-” Steve’s voice cracked just enough to betray the emotion in it, to let Bucky know he wasn’t alone in having been stripped raw, “You okay?”

Bucky nodded. Okay was still a relative term for him, and it didn’t always take a lot to reduce him to pieces, and maybe he had fallen apart again, but...he was happy where he was. Overwhelmed, but so, so happy. He said again, softly, “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Steve told him. The urgency was gone now, but the importance of the words lingered as Steve’s lips brushed across his skin. “I’ve always loved you.”

Bucky was torn between thanking him and wondering how the hell anyone could love anything that he’d been when Steve had pulled him back from the brink, but in the end he did neither. In the end, he just held Steve tighter and let Steve put him back together, because these days, Steve was so much better at it than he was.

With tender touches and sweet kisses and soft-spoken words of affection, Steve gave him exactly what he needed. In the background the credits were rolling on the screen and the living room was darker than before, but neither of them cared and neither of them moved because they couldn’t bear to do anything but cling desperately to each other as Bucky wondered how the universe had seen fit to bring them impossibly back together after so many lost decades between them.

Bucky shifted enough to let Steve fall out of him, but they did no more to separate and made no comment about any tears lost between them, because they knew where the tears came from, and they knew the tears were nothing to fear. They were in love, so much in love that it had flooded them both, and had overflowed. 

At some point, they stretched out on the couch, and found some sitcom to play in the background, but they spent the rest of their evening quiet and tangled up in each other, touching as much skin together as physically possible as they soaked each other in and made up for too much lost time.


End file.
